This post was originally featured on Alexandria Stylebook, and I am thrilled to share it with you here too! The version here has been expanded and revised with additional details.
Most American women wear a size 14 or larger. New research is showing that the average size of an American woman is now closer to a size 16 to 18. If that’s the case – why do we not see these sizes in stores?
We’ve all been there—walking into a store, hoping to find something cute and stylish, only to be confronted with racks of clothes that don’t fit, limited sizes, and the subtle (or not-so-subtle) societal messages that our bodies don’t belong. Shopping should be an enjoyable experience, but for many, especially those who live in larger bodies, or bodies that don’t meet the conventional beauty standards, it can quickly turn into a stressful, frustrating ordeal.
Why Shopping Is So Hard
Weight Stigma:
Shopping often comes with subtle—and not so subtle—reminders that your body doesn’t fit into the “ideal.” Phrases like:
- “This is really flattering on you!”
- “We don’t carry sizes above X.”
- “Try the shapewear section.”
- “This doesn’t come in your size.”
These are more than just words; they reflect deeply ingrained weight stigma in the fashion world. Flattering generally means something that enhances someone’s appearance or makes them look or feel better. But, we all know that the idea that clothes should “flatter” someone’s body often implies that it makes their body look smaller and more desirable.
The mannequins you see in stores, the models in ads, and even online images are overwhelmingly representative of straight-sized bodies or those who live in smaller bodies. Though some brands are starting to diversify their representations, the majority of mainstream fashion still caters to a narrow idea of what bodies should look like.
Inconsistent Sizing:
The sizing system in fashion is another major hurdle. The inconsistency in sizing across different brands, and even within the same brand, can make shopping feel like an exhausting guessing game.
Inaccessible:
For anyone whose body falls outside of the idealized “straight-sized” model, shopping becomes an exercise in feeling overlooked. For many people, whether their body is larger, shorter, or has different proportions, finding clothes that fit well and feel good is an uphill battle. This issue isn’t just limited to women—all genders, people with disabilities, people with sensory sensitivity, and/or congenital limb deficiency or amputees, too, often face limited options, whether they are looking for something casual, professional, or stylish.
Your Body Is Not the Problem—The Clothing Is the Problem!
If you’ve ever found yourself feeling defeated after trying on clothes that don’t fit or leave you feeling less than confident, it’s essential to remember this: your body is not the problem. The clothing industry, with its outdated sizing systems and weight stigma practices, is the issue. Your body is unique and beautiful, just as it is. Fashion should be about self-expression, comfort, and confidence—not about trying to fit into someone else’s narrow idea of beauty.
What You Can Do to Make Shopping a Better Experience
Navigating the world of shopping when you don’t fit the “ideal” body type takes intention, patience, and a shift in mindset. Here are a few tips to help make your shopping experience feel more empowering and less stressful:
- Radical Acceptance and Self-Compassion
One of the most powerful tools when shopping is practicing radical acceptance. This means embracing your body as it is—without judgment or shame. When shopping, try to approach the experience with compassion and patience for yourself. Focus on comfort, fit, and style, not on the number on the tag. When you see those self-deprecating thoughts coming up, you can say “okay, weight stigma is really strong right now” to help yourself shift your mindset from there.
Using positive affirmations or mantras can be a powerful way to shift your mindset while shopping. Remind yourself of your worth and the fact that you don’t need to conform to society’s weight stigma and arbitrary standards to feel good about yourself.
2. Shop with a Support Person
Having a shopping buddy who understands and supports you can make a huge difference. They can help you focus on what makes you feel good, rather than getting bogged down by the frustration of fit. Set boundaries about body-related comments and instead focus on how you feel in the clothes, not how you look. You can also make a plan to take a break. If clothes shopping is getting too overwhelming, you can always take a break and go into stores that have more accessories, trinkets, or other items.
Example: If you’re feeling overwhelmed in the fitting room, your friend could say, “How does it feel? If you’re uncomfortable, let’s try something else.” A supportive friend can help you stay focused on comfort, not on fitting into a specific mold.
3. Use Grounding Skills
If shopping feels overwhelming, grounding skills can help calm your mind and body. Techniques like deep breathing or focusing on your senses can bring you back to the present moment and reduce anxiety.
Example: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique when you start to feel overwhelmed: name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. This can help you re-center and approach the experience with a clearer mindset.
4. Focus on Fit and Comfort
Rather than fixating on the size, focus on the fit and comfort of the clothing. Look for pieces that make you feel confident, stylish, and comfortable, regardless of the size tag. I always recommend to get the size you think you are, one smaller, and one bigger. Don’t look at the sizes when you try them on. Try them on and see which one feels best.
5. Gradual Exposure
If the idea of shopping feels overwhelming, consider easing into the experience gradually. Start by shopping for accessories, shoes, or home goods before venturing into clothing. Over time, you can challenge yourself to try on clothes, but always go at your own pace. Short, low-pressure trips to stores you feel comfortable in can help build confidence and reduce anxiety.
Online Shopping
For many people, online shopping is a great alternative to in-store shopping. It allows you to shop at your own pace, try on clothes in the comfort of your home, and find brands that offer inclusive sizing. Tips for online shopping is to check size guides & reviews, embrace returns, and create a “Keep and Return” system. Order a few items that you think will fit well, along with a couple of different sizes to see what works best. Try them on at home, away from the mirror at first to see what feels best on your body. Make the final decision at your own pace.
Shopping should be a joyful, empowering experience, but the reality is that for many, it’s a struggle. The barriers that exist in the fashion industry can be overwhelming, but remember, your body isn’t the problem—the industry is. With the right strategies, mindset, and support, shopping can become an opportunity for self-expression, comfort, and style. Embrace your unique body, find what fits, and always remember: you deserve to wear what makes you feel confident, comfortable, and fabulous.
About The Author
Gabrielle “Gabby” Katz is the owner of Coastal Collaborative Care and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW). She is also an approved LCSW supervisor for clinicians pursuing clinical licensure in Virginia & DC. Gabby earned her Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Pennsylvania (UPenn).
Gabby provides virtual therapy in Virginia, Maryland, Washington, D.C., and throughout the country. She offers in-person sessions at the Old Town North Alexandria office.
Due to her extensive experience working in eating disorder treatment centers, she received the designation of Certified Eating Disorders Specialist and Approved Consultant (CEDS-C) from the International Association of Eating Disorder Professionals (iaedp). She is qualified to provide consultation to clinicians seeking certification in eating disorder specialty through iaedp.
